


hell or glory (i don’t want anything in between)

by solid-no-on-that-on (DragonsAddicted)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 15x20 Fix-It, Closure, Dean gets to grow old, Fluff, Getting Together, Healing, Jack Kline is briefly present, M/M, Retirement, Reunions, Sam gets to grow old, its what we need yall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:40:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,092
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27737782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DragonsAddicted/pseuds/solid-no-on-that-on
Summary: After getting stabbed with a rusty nail on a hunt, Dean decides to retire.Snippets of a hopeful future, told from the perspective of one Sam Winchester.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 69





	hell or glory (i don’t want anything in between)

“I’m quitting.”

Dean didn’t have to say it. Sam had noticed the stray applications in the bunker’s war room, seen the focus in his brother’s eyes as he combed over the internet as he searched for something fulfilling, something worthwhile. 

It was over.

Deep inside himself, there was a jealousy towards his decision. He and Dean had been in this business their entire lives, they had been through so much together, and Sam hurt knowing that they wouldn’t end the same way. 

The bigger, more vocal part of Sam’s psyche, the part that still held anger towards John Winchester, the part that still missed Jess, was glad. Dean had spent his entire life ignoring his dreams in favor of what the people around him needed. 

It didn’t take an idiot to notice that Dean had been getting sloppier on hunts, that he moved slower, age starting to catch up to him 

Hell, he was still recovering from getting shoved into a nail on their last vampire hunt. They didn’t recover as quickly anymore, and Sam himself had noticed that he tired more easily, his eyesight getting slightly blurrier as the days went on. He’d have to walk into a eye doctor’s office one of these days. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been to the doctor. 

Despite his bitchiness, Sam couldn’t say Chuck hadn’t done anything for them. 

Dean seemed to have realized what was dawning on Sam now—they couldn’t do this forever.

The bunker was a little lonely without Dean in it. 

His brother had a house of his own now, living with the dog he stole. Miracle _adored_ Dean, but Sam knew that in return for the dog’s affection, Dean spoiled him rotten. 

_ (“I almost named him Cas” he told Sam once, grief evident in his eyes, “but I couldn’t do it.” _

_ “Why not?” Sam had replied then. Dean had told him what had happened to Cas, how the Empty consumed him and Billie and the deal and how Dean hadn’t been given the chance to say goodbye _

_ There had been more to it, but Sam didn’t pry. When Dean was ready, he would talk about it.  _

_ Sam tried not the think about the many, many times Dean hadn’t told him, before. They were different now, though. They had promised not to keep secrets from each other.)  _

After a wipe of his criminal record, courtesy of Charlie, Dean started taking classes at a local community college. Schooling had never been his thing, and it was tough to get used to, but for the first time in a long time, he seemed excited for his future. He told Sam about his classes, complained about how “I just don’t get math, Sammy, isn’t that what calculators are for?”, and celebrated getting decent grades for once in his life. 

_ (“I get it now, Sammy,” he said, a slight slur to his words that Sam ignored, “How did you ever give this up?” _

_ For a moment, Sam allowed himself to think about the future he wanted fifteen years ago, the promise of a life of ignorance.  _

_ Fifteen years ago, Dean thought he was going to die young because of some future mistake. Fifteen years ago, Sam thought Jess would become his wife someday, that he’d be some big-shot lawyer and help people in his own way, on his terms.  _

_ They aren’t the same people they were fifteen years ago.  _

_ Privately, Sam thinks that’s a good thing.)  _

Sam, Charlie, and Jodi with her crew surprise Dean in his work one day. 

The khaki of a park ranger looks strange on him, doesn’t suit him the same way it does Jodi, but for once, Dean looks happy. 

There’s still sadness in his eyes, a part of him that never recovered when Cas died. There’s still something Dean holds close to himself, something that Sam, the one person in the world who knows his brother best, does not know. 

Sam and Jodi pretend to not notice how Dean squeezes Claire tighter than he used to. Sam knows that Claire visits his brother often, knows that he is able to confide in her in a way that he’s never been able with Sam. 

Deep in his mind, Sam knows that its because they both miss Cas more than anyone else on the planet. Sam knows that Cas looked at Dean that same way Claire looks at Kaia, the same way that he sometimes thought he saw Dean looking back. 

Sam sometimes wonders why Dean hasn’t found someone by now, but then he thinks about the old mixtape that got stuck in Baby’s CD player that Dean never bothered to fix, the centered double bed that his brother only sleeps on one side of, and he knows he doesn’t have to wonder. 

There are some hunters staying in the bunker when Jack comes to visit. Eileen is out on a hunt. 

Time has aged Sam, but it hasn’t touched Jack. The years brought him a sense of confidence, and a posture that he hadn’t had before. He’s more grounded now, more controlled, but his eyes shine as bright as they did before he departed. 

For someone who killed his own grandfather, he seems to be doing remarkably well. 

Jack tells him that Heaven is more stable than its ever been, tells him about the changes he’s made, that Amara says hello, and that he’s found a way to retrieve Cas from the Empty. 

Sam doesn’t even wait ten minutes before he calls Dean. 

In the end, its Dean who rescues him. Profound bond and all that. 

It’s the first time Dean’s come out of retirement in almost ten years. He’s fifty now, his hair more grey than brown. He’s silent over the phone, before telling Sam and Jack, voice thick, that he’s on his way.

  
Dean arrives in his uniform, looking haggard and exhausted, but the shine in his eyes marks him as more alive than ever. The years have softened and mellowed him, but he embraces Jack harder than he ever has, and the young man wheezes slightly before returning the hug.

Jack explains his plan, and Dean agrees almost immediately. 

In a state of near-death, Jack takes Dean into a sea of sticky black darkness, into the mouth of the entity that Sam knows hates them more than anything else. 

Two go in, and three come out, Cas is hanging unconscious between Jack and Dean, and his breathing is labored in a way that does not speak of divinity.

Jack, miracle worker that he was, could not fix everything.

Dean calls his boss to tell him that he’s sorry, but he’ll have to be put on leave for a while, there’s a family emergency. 

His boss gives him sympathy and wishes him well. Dean hangs up the phone with shaky hands and a shaky voice, and walks briskly to Cas’ room, settling down in the chair next to the bed, keeping a tense watch. 

Sam sees Jack standing beside his brother, and decides to leave them alone. 

Sam does not see Dean reach for Cas’ hand, does not see him gently bring it to his lips, does not see the tender kiss on the cold knuckles that is full of years of grief and pain that may have slowly healed but scarred all the same. 

Cas wakes up during one of the few times Sam has convinced Dean to sleep. Instead of waking his brother up, he gives Cas a debrief of the last eight years. The former angel is thrilled to hear that Dean has retired, that he’s living his own life now, away from hunting and away from monsters. 

When he quietly asks Sam if Dean has found anyone, the angel tries his best to school his hopeful face into one of disinterest when Sam tells him no. 

Dean comes rushing around the corner one hour later, tears of equal worry and desperate hope in his eyes as he drinks in the image of Cas, alive, conscious, and well. He takes no hesitation in rushing into him and burying his face in the angels shoulder. Cas’ reaction is slow, but he embraces Dean too. 

When they pull away from each other, it is not an action in entirety. Dean holds Cas’ face gently in his hands, his forehead pressed against the other’s, teary green eyes staring into equally wet blue. 

Sam leaves them alone, but he doesn’t exit quickly enough to miss the fervent and desperate _“I love you, too.”_ that comes from his brother’s lips. 

It’s supposed to be a surprise, but Sam can’t pretend he hadn’t seen it coming. 

Dean and Cas retire together, and he gets the life that Sam wanted more than twenty years ago.

Funny how that works, huh? 

He sees Jack in Heaven, long after that.

Sam didn’t die young—he’s in his seventies now, older than most hunters make it, taken out not by a demon or vampire or any other monster but kidney failure.

It’s....surprisingly mundane. Not the way he’d thought he’d go. Eileen had passed not too long before him, and he was excited to see her again 

Jack greets him in an empty field, outfit made of comforting yellows and cream. 

“It’s good to see you, Sam,” he says, and it’s slightly awkward. “Welcome to Heaven.” 

He hasn’t changed, not really. 

Sam smiles, and lets Jack lead the way.

Heaven is better now, with Jack in charge. The Winchester family is having a sunny picnic out behind the Roadhouse. There’s cold beer and his dad is grilling some burgers and being happier than Sam’s ever seen him. 

Bobby raises his beer in greeting when Sam enters the scene. Eileen wraps him in a bear hug, capturing his lips for a quick kiss. His parents wave at him from a shared deck chair.

There are a lot of people here. Sam’s glad to see it. 

“We heard you were coming!” Eileen signs, pulling away for a second, “Jack got us all together!” 

He ignores the tears that spring up in his eyes as he nods and hugs her back just as fiercely.

About three years later, Sam, Bobby, and Jack welcome Castiel into Heaven as he walks into a replica of his home with Dean. 

It’s (almost) perfect. 

When Dean Winchester enters the premises of a barbecue at the Roadhouse, everything falls silent for a moment as he takes in all the people he’s known and loved over his eighty-two years.

He looks older than Sam does, salt and pepper greying his hair and slight crows feet around his eyes, emblematic of his time being set free from hunting. 

He sees Cas, then sees John, and while his eyes are flicking between his partner and his father, he presents an easygoing smile and tells everyone to—“Don’t stop on my part! I’m not that much of a party killer!”

Sam watches his father stand up and lead Dean off to the side. He sees Cas bristle in anger, shoulders twitching as angelic instincts lasting thousands of years outweigh the small period he had without them. 

Sam sees John’s mouth move in the words “I’m sorry”, he sees Dean wipe his eyes, and he sees John hug his brother and then push him towards the direction of Sa-

No, the direction of _Cas._

It’s only been a year since they’ve seen one another, but Castiel still takes Dean’s hand and carefully and tenderly presses a kiss upon his knuckles. They lean up against each other, foreheads pressed together, lost in a moment of intimacy amidst the loudness of the party. After a moment, Dean smiles, and kisses his husband on the lips. Cas smiles through it in return, their hands intertwining before Charlie, who had arrived a few months before, wolf whistles, bringing attention to the couple. 

Dean pulls away and grins at her, flipping her off. Not once does his hand leave Cas’.

Sam goes to search for his wife near the drinks, where she’s having an avid conversation with one Bobby Singer. 

A song comes on speakers he had never noticed were there. 

_Carry on my wayward son,_

_ There’ll be peace when you are done _

_ Lay your weary head to rest _

_ Don’t you cry no more  _

They’re happy. They’re free. 

It’s all he and his brother have ever wanted. 

And seeing Dean sway with Cas in the last rays of a golden sunset, Sam thinks that maybe his dreams of a ideal suburban life weren’t too far off, after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> YES the title is a fall out boy song YES i'm still obsessed with their music leave me aLONE
> 
> anyways. 2020 really is the year of my middle school interests revival, huh?
> 
> hope you enjoyed!!! leave a nice comment if you feel so inclined!


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